:: Ray's Periodic Rantings ::

:: Tuesday, March 30, 2004 ::

Fair Warning

You are hereby notified, forewarned, invited, and welcomed (though not required) to watch this humble writer, Ray Koltys, make a complete fool of himself onstage in the guise of his alter ego, "Dr. Kilovolt."

Saturday night, April 3rd, at midnight, the doctor will make an appearance in WNEP's "The Gong Show" clad in his newly renovated and improved neon suit, seen and enjoyed previously by throngs and multitudes at the Burning Man Festival in Black Rock City, Nevada. Now, residents of Chicago and environs have the opportunity to witness this astonishingly perverse misuse of technology.

To attend, simply present yourself and a sum of United States currency totalling five(5) dollars at the Lakeshore Theater, 3175 N Broadway, a short time before the appointed hour. You will be subjected to a sham of theatrics involving a vulgar host, three judges, and approximately a dozen acts. As one of these so called acts, Dr Kilovolt will waste precisely two and one-half minutes of your time (should he not be gonged) with awkward gyrations and gesticulations and the simultaneous manipulation of literally thousands of volts of electricity coursing through a variety of noble gasses safely encased in glass, set to music and lacking any choreographical merit whatsoever.

Beverages, both alcoholic and non-alcoholic, will be available to aid in the digestion of this drivel. Those prone to epileptic attacks or intolerance for absurdity are encouraged to reconsider before attending.
:: Ray 8:55 AM [+] ::
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Ouch!

Whose idea was the self-threading needle? I bought needles for a sewing project, and that's all the store had. Ouch.

Imagine that instead of an eye, the needle has two barbs, like at the tip of a fish hook, which face each other, allowing you to pull a thread in, but not out. The tips aren't as sharp as a hook, of course, but they are much sharper than the back end of an ordinary needle, they are prone to breaking, and they can fray the thread, weakening it. I learned these things first hand, while engaged in a hack sewing job as part of my current project, the result of which will be the subject of my very next post in just a few minutes. In the course of an evening, I snapped several threads and found that without a thimble, you might as well be pushing on the sharp end of the needle. I drew blood twice.

Call me old fashioned, but the inconvenience of threading a needle is vastly preferable to the torture of a "self-threading" one.
:: Ray 8:43 AM [+] ::
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Smokin'

This month's Bacon of the Month arrived late last week, and I fried some up on Sunday. Whereas last month's bacon was sugar-cured and sweet, this is a smoked bacon from, appropriately enough, the Smoky Mountains in Tennessee. Oh, baby is it smoked. It smelled like a campfire as soon as I opened the package, and even more so when it hit the hot pan. It cooked beautifully, without burning, and the taste...wow. Forget "liquid smoke" -- this is the real thing. It is easily my favorite of the bacons thus far.
:: Ray 12:36 AM [+] ::
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Miscellany

Kit Kat Honeys review is up in the guide.

Bucky got his first insulin shot on Saturday, and then immediately afterward, his first insulin shock. Two units was too much, and I had to smear honey on his lips to get his blood sugar back up. He has been losing weight and he isn't eating enough. I just hope he isn't giving up on me.

I have some things to say about the Amon Tobin show Sunday night at Metro in my next post.

And look for an exciting announcement about yours truly on stage in the very near future.
:: Ray 10:10 PM [+] ::
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More burlesque

I received an email from Nikki of the Kit Kat Honeys, a Chicago burlesque troupe that I wasn't previously aware of. From their website, it looks like their act is more Cabaret-style singing and dancing oriented than some of the other shows in town. They perform Saturday night at 9 at Funky Buddha Lounge, 728 W Grand Ave. As usual, you'll read about it here.
:: Ray 11:13 PM [+] ::
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Speeches

I just listened to part of King George's remarks regarding the one year anniversary of his venture into Iraq. It sounded something like this, awkward pauses and all:

Blah blah.....blah terrorists....bad. Blah blah blah....Spain sad. Blah....blah blah....WMD bad. Blah blah coalition....good. Blah....blah blah Afghanistan happy now. Blah blah blah...Saddam terrorist evil bad. Blah blah....blah....blah Iraq coalition good.

Only in his version he took 20 minutes (public radio cut away after that) to get those concepts across. I kept hoping I would hear someone there in the room with him pull the old "bulls--t" sneeze.

Does anybody want to read a real speech? I didn't listen to him deliver it, but I can hear the way it would have sounded in my head and I like it, along with what he was saying.

PS Go John Kerry!
:: Ray 10:21 AM [+] ::
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Diabetic Bucky

Those of you who know me are aware that I live with Bucky and Tess, littermate cats that were born in the basement of neon shop where I worked just after I finished school. That was in 1991, and they aren't kittens any more. I hadn't realized just how old they were for cats until I looked at a chart at the veterinarian's office...they are pushing 70! Unfortunately, it is becoming apparent in Bucky's health. He was just diagnosed with diabetes this afternoon. Looks like I'll be giving insulin shots to my cat, though there is a chance it can be managed with his food. I have always wondered how far I would go to keep them alive. Surgery that costs more than $1000? I don't know. Diapers? Probably not. Insulin shots? Now I know the answer is yes.

This is the first time I have had to face the fact that Bucky and Tess won't live forever. They have been dear companions for thirteen years through good times and bad, and I hope they stay with me for many more, but there is an end in sight, and that is a bit sad. It gives me pause to reflect on how I have treated them over the years. I have loved them, but perhaps not given them quite as much attention as I might. I will be more conscious of this in the future, as I strive to make their old age comfortable and not boring or frustrating.
:: Ray 6:04 PM [+] ::
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Politics can be fun!

I am happy to report that Barak Obama overwhelmingly won the Democratic primary for the open Senate seat here in Illinois. There have been few African-American senators in Washington, D.C., but I hope we send one more in November, and at the same time cut down the Republican majority by at least one seat.

UPDATE Wednesday at lunch I eagerly looked up the unofficial election results in the Tribune. The news was even better than I thought. Obama won with over 450,000 votes. Jack Ryan, the Republican winner, received about 66,000. Obama got more than twice as many votes as all the Republican candidates combined! We can't afford to rest on our behinds, because we absolutely have to take this seat back from the Republicans, but it's nice to see the Democrats energized and off to a good start.
:: Ray 1:15 AM [+] ::
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Weekend

Nobody can say Chicago doesn't know how to throw a party. Saturday night I attended Collaboraction's Carnaval, a fundraising party thrown in a warehouse down on Hubbard St. There was body painting, a Brazilian bikini fashion show, a giant game of twister, good music, pulsating lights...in other words it was a lot of fun. I'll go again if they do it next year, and I'll wear something a little wilder next time.

I had to leave the party a little early to catch the Belmont Burlesque Revue later that night. It was tough to leave such a great party, but the show was well worth it.Read my review.
:: Ray 1:07 AM [+] ::
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Burlesque Alert

Saturday night (technically Sunday morning, corrected 3.12.04) at 12:30am, a periodic revue called the Belmont Burlesque will be presented. Looks like fun. The Playground, 3209 N Halsted. I'll be there, and if you're not there to see for yourself, you'll read about it here.

Earlier that evening will see me at Collaboraction's Carnaval, which also sounds like fun. It ought to be an interesting weekend.
:: Ray 5:27 PM [+] ::
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Gym Night

I went to the gym tonight...that's right, the gym. I've been lifting weights off and on -- more off than on -- for several years. I've always been thin, weighing in about 145 (OK, 143) lbs on my 6'2" frame. I've been able to gain few pounds of muscle up to a high of 147, but then I have always lost motivation and the weight with it. It's the ultimate revenge on everyone that ever teased me for being skinny.

Anyway, I've been lifting at home with my dumbbells and bench for a few weeks now, partly to help myself emerge from winter hibernation. Then, a couple of days ago, I was looking at zits or something on my back, when I noticed it. I couldn't see my shoulderblades. Instead, there was muscle. Not a ton of muscle, but enough to fill that gap that is usually between the blades. It looked good, and when I flexed it, it felt good. I wanted more.

There is only so much I can do with my setup at home. Instead of spending more for equipment, I figured maybe it was time to get out and use that Bally membership I have maintained for all these years. It's only $8.50 a month...what a deal that would be if I actually used it! So tonight was my first night back at the gym. I bought some new gloves, and had to pay a few bucks to replace my long lost membership card, but now I am set up, and I plan to keep it up.

I will never be a musclebound hulk, but with a bit of work and dedication, I can look pretty good, and be out among people, in the process. What's not to like? If you see me in a few months, ask me if I kept it up. Or, if I am successful, maybe you will be able to tell just by looking.
:: Ray 12:40 AM [+] ::
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Fun Saturday Night and New Pics

Saturday night at midnight I went to see the Gong Show at WNEP Theater. It was crude, vulgar, and f***in' hilarious. For five bucks plus a few for a drink (what, you think I went in sober?), a dozen acts ranging from rappers to a blockhead, one announcer, one host, and three judges kept the audience in stitches for about an hour and a half. One of the judges kept a tally of what the fines would have been if the show had been broadcast on radio. The result was over one million dollars. First Saturday of every month...I'll be there.

I have finally documented the new dinette in Betty that my friend Tom helped me finish last year before Burning Man. Dig the pics.
:: Ray 6:45 PM [+] ::
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Third Time

Last night I saw FemmeTV again. Fun! Read my review here. (link corrected 3.11.04)
:: Ray 2:52 AM [+] ::
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Pimpin' for Steve

I may be something of a boheme, but at heart I am still a geek, too, and I like cool toys. At work we are converting from legacy Macintoshes, some dating from 1997, to all new iMacs and a G5 server, all running under the latest version of OSX, 10.3. I have to tell you, the more I play with this new version of the OS, the more I like it. It makes really powerful features that linux/unix geeks have used for years available to people like me, who aren't so thrilled by a command line interface. There is far more to gush about than I have time to type here, so if you see me and you are curious, please ask.
:: Ray 4:58 PM [+] ::
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Change is good

My main site design has been static since 1995. It was time for an update. Click around and check it out. Dig the bad audio available for download on :: other ::.

More on the way!
:: Ray 12:44 AM [+] ::
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