:: Ray's Periodic Rantings ::

:: Tuesday, April 29, 2003 ::

Heartstopper
On my way back from Galena Sunday, I stopped in Freeport and picked up a couple of bags of Mrs Mike's Potato Chips. A one pound bag of these babies is about the same size as a 12 oz bag of regular chips. Each chip actually feels heavier in your hand, and you can feel the fat dissolving in your mouth, coating your tongue as you chew them. They are tasty and yet revolting at the same time. I shudder at the thought of consuming them, but I am irresistably drawn by them. Mmmm. Yuck. Mmmm.
:: Ray 3:36 PM [+] ::
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Big weekend
Whew! Saturday morning I finished my second assignment in welding class. Now I am on to the third, but I still haven't actually stuck any two things together. All in due time, as I am still getting the hang of handling the arc, but I want to stick metal things to each other!

That afternoon I drove three hours to Galena, IL, to meet up with Boy Scout Troop 270, and the boy I mentor. We camped on a bluff several hundred feet above the Mississippi River, a spectacular view. I imagine long ago, before any of the area was developed, an intrepid explorer, native or European, couldn't help but be impressed on stumbling across it. It was fun watching BNSF and CN trains on the tracks paralleling the river below us, too.

The town of Galena, on the other hand, though quaint, was not my cup of tea -- tourist hell. If I want to go shopping, it won't be there. The boy and I ate a lousy breakfast there too. Ack.

Sunday night I made a hearty split pea soup from Easter's hambone. I just ate some for lunch. Yum.
:: Ray 2:01 PM [+] ::
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Solo evening
Tonight I saw an interesting play produced by the folks at Collaboraction entitled The cosmonaut's last message to the woman he once loved in the former Soviet Union. The story was multithreaded, following several characters in European countries who are somehow affected by a secret early Soviet launch, stranded in orbit, its two occupants abandoned yet alive, with life support and rations for years. It was cleverly staged and well acted, and I am glad I went, though I am embarrassed to admit that I probably wouldn't have gotten around to it, but for a bizarre sort-of promotion that they did: a guy in a cosmonaut suit was out on Michigan Ave, with another guy taking pictures of him with the skyline. It was a priceless moment and they had postcards for the show, and that was good enough for me.

Driving home I flirted with the 10:30 outbound train on my trainline, the Metra Union Pacific Northwest, as it pulled away from the Clybourn station at 10:38. The Kennedy Expy parallels and ducks underneath the tracks a couple of times on its way toward O'Hare, and the train was right there with me until it had to stop at Irving Park.

OK, time for bed. Long day ahead, including morning welding class.
:: Ray 12:19 AM [+] ::
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Dinette Project - Step 2
This morning I took measurements inside Betty's front end, in preparation for doing technical drawings of the dinette design. I am determined to make this thing happen, and make it cool.
:: Ray 3:19 PM [+] ::
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Not so bad
It is past my bedtime so I will make this quick. Wednesday was an OK day, and it even had moments that I would call content ones, among them these:

I worked late, and realized I was a bit hungry and cranky. I chased this feeling away with a can of hot wasabi peas (yum!) and the CQ soundtrack, and ended up having a great time getting my work done.

And as I write this, Tess the cat is on my lap. A moment ago I was singing Brian Eno tunes to her (Backwater, Cindy Tells Me), and was tremendously amused by her reaction. She was pretty engaged, and kept eye contact the whole time.
:: Ray 12:51 AM [+] ::
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Alive
Just a quick note to say that I am feeling very alive today. This, of course, is a good thing.
:: Ray 2:02 PM [+] ::
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Earth Day
I consider myself fairly well informed, but somehow, until just now, it slipped completely under my radar that today is Earth Day! Have you done anything to treat the planet more gently lately?
:: Ray 11:57 AM [+] ::
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A Mighty Wind
Saturday morning I got up bright and early to help my friend Julian unpack from moving. Afterward I went to Chuck's place for my monthly medicine apprentice meeting. That evening I took the boy I mentor to dinner and Bulletproof Monk, which was fun, but ranks as a B movie in my estimation.

Sunday I had an Easter meal with Raul and Carolyn and a table full of friends, none of whom, as near as I can tell, are practicing Christians. Nevertheless we enjoyed ham, scalloped potatoes, asparagus, and really good bread with lamb-shaped butter, then headed out to see A Mighty Wind, the latest of Christopher Guest's mockumentaries. I had been looking forward to it for a while, and I wasn't dissappointed. The mix of wacky characters and fake-but-good folk music was fun...I'll be looking for the soundtrack.

So today I am feeling somewhat spiritually recharged, though I am a bit physically tired, and not relishing my schedule of night welding classes tonight and tomorrow night.

Two questions
Again, if it isn't about oil, then why didn't we spend in Afghanistan the kind of reconstruction money that the Bush Administration and the press are trumpeting we are about to spend in Iraq?

How is it, meanwhile, that in Iraq the Bush Administration wants to provide universal health care and the best possible schools, when we have neither of those things right here at home?

Note
I was amused, this morning, to stumble across this on google: the "Watchman Fellowship", a Christian organization that tracks cults and religions, has listed Burning Man on their site as a neopagan and satanic cult (link is to the top of the "B" section of their list). I don't know if any of Watchman folks have attended to see for themselves, but just because we burn a wooden man doesn't mean we worship it. In my experience, BM is not a religious event, but rather a festival that celebrates culture and subcultures. Christians are welcomed there, just like everyone else, and are not asked or encouraged to believe in anything, except perhaps their own creativity and self worth.
:: Ray 12:19 PM [+] ::
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Down
I have been down emotionally for the past few weeks. There are a number of reasons swirling together. They range from outside ones such concern over the current political climate in America, the economy and its effect on my job, and the idiotic war we are engaged in, to personal ones such as concern over my financial situation, some recent Mary anniversaries, and a couple of difficult realizations about myself that I have made, but don't yet know quite what to make of.

No, I am not gay, but my libido has been lower than I ever remember it being, and it is quite disconcerting. Of course, concern over this is yet another source of stress, impacting the libido further. It is quite a death spiral. I have begun taking the usual steps that tend to help me out of funks like this such as working out, eating better, getting more sleep, setting realistic goals and working toward them so I can feel I have accomplished something, but I haven't bounced back quite as quicky as I would expect.

At one level, not being preoccupied with sex has freed up quite a bit of energy to get things done, which is a good thing. Not that I was out getting laid all the time before -- quite the opposite, I was mostly just pining about it, something that can consume considerable time and attention. Spending these finite resources on accomplishing my goals is wonderful and rewarding, but I'd rather be doing it in spite of being horny, not because I am not.

In some respects, I feel like I am entering a new phase in life, one in which I will finally be the master of my libido, not the other way around. At least I hope so. And I am assuming for the time being that when it is right, my mojo will come back. I assume further that this will be the case when I meet the right woman, one I am attracted to and who is attracted to me and one whose life is interesting enough and thinks the same thing about mine, one I can love and who can love me. In the meantime I am slogging through difficult territory, trying to make myself into a better person, in part for myself, but also to make myself more attractive. Isn't it ironic? Here I am trying to improve myself, learn new skills, tackle interesting projects, and ultimately it is all to increase my chances of getting laid. But not just by anybody...no, I am once again looking for "the one."
:: Ray 4:01 PM [+] ::
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Dinette Project - Step 1
Today I went to the art supply store to buy drawing tools, the first step in my big Airstream Dinette Project. For those of you just tuning in, I want to build a dinette that converts to a double bed in the front of my Airstream, replacing the not-very-functional "gaucho" convertible couch that used to be there. It was too low and deep to be good seating at the table, and too narrow to be a double bed (Mary and I tried). There is enough room in that space to accomplish both of these tasks and do it with appropriate style. That is my goal. It is a bit more complex than could be accomplished drawing on cocktail napkins, and my drafting tools disappeared years ago, so it was finally time to pop for new ones. I spent $68 on the bare minimum...ouch!

Cool view
Driving into the city today, downtown was covered in a low fog, so that only the tops of the tallest buildings were sticking out from above, with the Hancock Bldg on the North and the Sears Tower on the South. It looked a bit like lodges up on top of a ski slope. Fun. Then it blew away, and now the sun is even poking through a bit.
:: Ray 4:30 PM [+] ::
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Humbled
Last night I finally finished my first welding assignment. Altogether it took me about six hours (including grinding off several mistakes so I could reweld them) to do what would take an experienced welder about one hour to complete. Next I get to redo the same assignment, with welding rod that is supposed to be more difficult to work with. I have a serious learning curve ahead of me.

Vindicated
So this war wasn't about oil, huh? Then how come out of all the ministries and hospitals and government facilities in Iraq, the only one guarded by U.S. troops to prevent looting over the weekend and into Monday was the Oil Ministry? Meanwhile, the National Museum of Antiquities was plundered and ruined, despite its director's plea for U.S. military protection. Artifacts dating to the dawn of man are gone. Does anyone remember ancient history? This place was the cradle of civilization! Does Bush care? Not as long as he gets the black gold so he and his buddies can drive ever-larger pickup trucks and SUVs. Does Rumsfeld care? Not as long as he gets his new hegemony in the region.

For more about Rummy's take on this, read Joe Conason and Carol Lay's Story Minute on yesterday's Salon.

A first for the year
I wore no jacket to work today. The high is expected to be 86 or 87 degrees Fahrenheit. Woohoo!
:: Ray 9:53 AM [+] ::
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Quote of the Week:
"Would you pay for that weld?"
-- by my old coot of a welding class teacher, not to me, but it might as well have been.

A rant about nothing:
In Chicago and environs, when you order a thin-crust pizza from a local pizza joint, they cut it into squares. A round pizza cut into squares -- whose brilliant idea was this? The result is pizza that you cannot pick up without getting greasy fingers: square pieces with no crust, and tiny triangle pieces that are pretty much only crust. This is the stupidest food service tradition I have ever heard of, with no upside that could possibly vindicate the inconvenience. They don't do it with deep-dish pizza, only the thin crust. Stupid, stupid, stupid. And when you order it the correct way, they are so accustomed to doing it the stupid way that sometimes they forget. Ack!

OK, pizza slicing technique isn't exactly earthshaking stuff. But you've got to have priorities.
:: Ray 11:41 AM [+] ::
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Three years
Three years ago tonight, I drove to a little red house in Des Plaines, pretty much giddy with excitement, to meet a cool-sounding woman who had contacted me on Match.com. The date was a disaster by superficial standards -- dinner at a local family restaurant was awful, and then we couldn't get a lane for our intended activity, bowling. It didn't matter, though -- we were completely struck by each other. By the time I drove home late that night, after a long makeout session on her sofa, I had a smile fixed on my face, and I knew this was the woman for me.

For those of you new to this tale, less than a year later Mary and I were engaged. A few months later we married, and a few months after that, she died suddenly and unexpectedly.

This anniversary is less difficult than it was last year, but it still isn't easy. I am grateful for the time I had with her, but it still sucks that she is gone. At least Spring is here, bringing with it new life and new possibilities. The sun is out, and it is a beautiful day.
:: Ray 1:30 PM [+] ::
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Have you forgotten?
I just read on CNN that 25,000 people attended a rally at Ground Zero in New York City today, "to show their support for U.S. troops and the war against Iraq."

From the story: "Construction worker William Sekzer's son, Jason, died September 11. He attended the rally because he believes the terrorist attack is connected to the war on Iraq.

"'What do you want as proof?' Sekzer asked. 'Do you want Saddam Hussein shaking hands with Osama bin Laden?'"

There is also a truly awful song by Darryl Worley on the country music charts, called Have You Forgotten?

Some lyrics:
I hear people saying we don't need this war / I say there's some things worth fighting for?
?They say we don't realize the mess we're getting in / Before you start your preaching let me ask you this my friend?
?Have you forgotten when those towers fell? / We had neighbors still inside going through a living hell
And you say we shouldn't worry 'bout bin Laden / Have you forgotten??
?Some say this country's just out looking for a fight / After 9-11, man, I'd have to say that's right
Have you forgotten?

I have nothing against rallies that show support for the troops, as long as they don't run into pro-war rallies (which are truly sick...how can anybody that knows anything about war be in favor of it?), but I have a serious beef with Mr. Worley and anyone else that fantasizes about links between Iraq and 9-11: I remember horrific that day was, but have you forgotten that almost all of the 9-11 hijackers were Saudi Arabians? Not a single Iraqi in the bunch! Mr. Worley, et al, if this is really about 9-11 (which it isn't), then we are bombing the wrong people.

For more on this, see Liberal Oasis.
:: Ray 7:38 PM [+] ::
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Rites of Spring
There may still be bits of melting snow on the ground, but outside my office window, as I write this, one of the events that heralds Spring here in Chicago is occurring. Traffic on Lake Shore Drive is stopped, and the bridge over the river is going up. Some of the first of the sailboats that have wintered in drydocks up the river are about to complete their journey past several of Chicago's twin bascule bridges to the lake. Processions like this will take place several times a week for the next month or so. Spring is here!
:: Ray 3:30 PM [+] ::
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Mission accomplished
So last night I had the boy I mentor, as usual on Monday evenings. I was unprepared foodwise, so we picked up a pizza, and rented Princess Mononoke, which I was itching to see after this weekend (see yesterday's entry). As I expected, he recoiled a bit at the title, but I talked him into it. He agreed to watch, then amusingly began referring to it as Princess Karaoke. But once we started it, he was riveted.

The story takes place in mythological ancient Japan, when forest spirits embodied as wolf and boar shared the land with humans, both good and evil. Just like Spirited Away, it is well written and acted, and beautifully animated. It is long, and we didn't have time to finish, but it was difficult to walk away from. Both of us look forward to finishing it the next time we meet.

Pizza and a movie isn't exactly high culture, but if I can expand the kid's horizons beyond Hollywood schlock with stupid characters and stuff that blows up, I figure I am doing OK.
:: Ray 2:04 PM [+] ::
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Weekend
Saturday morning I had my first welding shop class. With pretty much a minimum of instruction, I sat down in a welding booth with some scrap steel and a big electrode holder and attempted to melt metal with lots of electricity, neatly and uniformly. Newsflash: it is difficult to do, and it will take a lot of practice to get good. Recently I realized that my art seems to be about arcs, both the neon kind inside a glass tube, and now the welding kind with metal. I don't know exactly how I am going to capitalize on this, but I aim to try.

Immediately afterward, I drove to Indianapolis to visit with old friends James and Ingrid. We made sushi (fun and yummy) and went to see Spirited Away, by the same guy that did Princess Mononoke, which I have never seen but have heard good things about. Spirited Away was surprisingly good, and caused me to bump Princess Mononoke up near the top of my rental priority list. Sunday we visited the Indiana Transportation Museum. Trains! Fun!

Finally, this morning I looked out my window and laughed out loud when I saw two good inches of snow on the ground. It seemed an appropriate reaction, especially on the first day of the commuter boat season.

Happy Monday!
:: Ray 1:52 PM [+] ::
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More miscellany
Friends of Meigs today announced a lawsuit and various complaints they have filed over the [insert unflattering nickname for mayor here]'s sudden closing of Meigs Field Sunday night. They also released audio of a midair collision averted by the tower at Meigs just the previous week. Read all about it. Go FOM!

I don't intend to use this space to shill for anyone, but I tend to giggle a bit when I imagine my neighbors' reactions if I were to do my gardening in one of these.

It is gray and dark in the city today, with thunderstorms rolling through. Tops of buildings are in the clouds, and that sort of thing. I understand we need the rain, I just wish I had done my planting already to take advantage of it!
:: Ray 4:50 PM [+] ::
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Random thoughts
John Kass of the Chicago Tribune has long referred Mayor Daley as "Little Big Man." I have always agreed, but Sunday night and Monday morning with his hamfisted closing of Meigs Field, the mayor demonstrated himself worthy of the name to all of Chicago and the nation. People are snickering at you and your outrageous land grab, Mr Mayor. Chicago won't forget, and neither will Springfield or Washington, the next time you show up asking for money or wanting to make a deal. Your word is worth spit. A Zen mentality would encourage me to pray and send love and healing energy your way in order to help change the hostile environment in which you make such decisions. Sorry, but at the moment I am too angry to do so.

A call for such prayers for President Bush, himself worthy of quite a few unflattering nicknames, has really been issued. It kind of makes sense, and I plan to try. I have to admit that I won't do so with high hopes, though.

Today's Daily Howler has an insightful critique of the difference in the war coverage as offered by CNN and Fox News. It makes CNN look downright neutral and fair, at least by comparison.

145 days to Burning Man.
:: Ray 3:54 PM [+] ::
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